Your face is a jimmy john
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
