I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
