just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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