Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
