i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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