she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
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I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
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i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.