Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.