Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"