ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up