mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
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Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
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Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.