My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back