5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
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im six kinds of drunk right now
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
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Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.