I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
