We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
