Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
