If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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