I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize