Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I need to sanitize my soul.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
