Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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