So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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