Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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