I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
