I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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