Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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