i jhust puked up my retainher.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
