after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
