Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
