Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
