There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
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Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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