wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
