I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
