Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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