he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Text me some of your sweat
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
