apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
