I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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