ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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