are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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