Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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