The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
