I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I wear drunk well.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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