You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
