I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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