the condom got lost in my hair
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
