ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Of course I have a pirate flag
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
