How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize