Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We have so much sex to catch up on
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
