What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
