shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
