Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
