ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
