Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
