i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
