You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
