this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
