you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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