I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have already put on my inside pants.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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