and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
