So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
