Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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