I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
