i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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