I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
