Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
