I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
