I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
