The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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